是否....

是否..我太在乎自己的缺点，以致忘了我本身早有的优点..- 自信!你到底在哪里啊?

I need something/someone/some-sort/some....to look FORWARD to!

Tomorrow is the start of my exam and i have to two papers tmr and I m still here blogging. Probably the blog has turned into a place for me to vent my frustration and grumbles then blogging about fun stuff which I havent had in ages!

Kind of losing my motivation, and feeling kind of frustrated. Have i really slacked all this while? I mean, at times, i really feel that i lack the drive i used to have in many aspect, in my life and studies in particular, and i m kind of laidback now? even though i aim for honors years so badly but my actions speak otherwise. Its kind of like, "okay, i m glad that i make it (if eventually), if i dont (touch wood) then i have to make deal with it, thats life." been going through my mind. Am i self handicapping myself? I mean being a psychology major myself and knowing how goals are impt, ways in which we can work towards attainment goal etc..(and i mean to go honors years cap 3.5 is indeed a attainable goal)..i m kind of taking things far too easily and leave many of the things up to chances and destiny. Take a test for example, when i felt that i revised enough for it, and I would kind of leave it to fate and hope that the test is gonna be do-able in a sense (which i m doing it now..) I mean, shdnt i be at least trying to cherish every sec now, and try to recap/revise rather than telling myself "is my fault, shd have study/revise more, but i really tried my best." tomorrow if things dont go well? And the thing is this kind of lament and regret dont last long for me!

Okay, great. Just scrolling up and see what i had typed, kind of doesnt make sense to anyone and myself too i guess. A more simple example. "what are u gonna do after u grad?" Me: "I dont know? see how it goes?sign on if my results are cuiz. If can, go on study my masters." Clearly, i hav no goals in mind, taking one step at a time! I really need something or someone or some-sort to motivate me now!!! -forget the past, chg the old laidback self, start afresh and move forward..-

How true?

How true is that?..Guess i have done lots of my procrastination homework lately...haha..thinking about way non importance stuffs...Here's one of them..Do you believe that the day that u are born is all predestined? How true have u found yourself to be as described by ur horoscope?How different are you from your siblings, born in different months, in terms of character? And y some twins are so alike?

VIRGO MALE
You have a great curiosity about women. These fine creatures are something for you to experiment with, examine and cater to. As for sex you feel that it is an experience that should not be overlooked, providing you have the time and the desire. You are interested in anything that will further your career. You are always interested in how much money your partner can make and in turn what they do with it as you find waste to be sinful. You can come across as a father figure if your mate lets you become over protective. You will only propose or get into a committed partnership after a respectable length of time and only when you are one hundred percent sure that the relationship will be lasting. You need to feel that your mate will enhance and support your career and make your home a clean place of comfort. You offer security, reliability and faithfulness.

Had a wonderful......Day!

Was totally unproductive in studies for the past two days....But on a lighter note, i really had a lot of fun...

Join CSC last sem...truely enjoyed every min spend with the people in it and the elderly as well..

Was quite apprehensive in joining the Organising Comm for it when zx (vice chair) ask me to..(cause was afraid needs alot of commitment and stuff and moreover kanna publicity..i was like "do i have to stand at the linkway to do publicity and fund raising etc"...) in the end it turns out quite okie (hasnt need any fundraising drive yet)..nt too much of commitment and workload..Which was ideal for me lar..haha cause i join this Rsvp - regular service volunteering programme - THE SENIORS - a bi weekly basis one than a weekly basis in the first place..again due to commitment lor..haha wanna spend time on volunteering yet not too much on it...

Its been great to koe the whole bunch of them...at least i feel reallly comfortable talking to the elderly and the volunteers as well...can really see alot of the volunteers really do their utmost for the elderly during regular visits..really impressed..haha..okie i m the one slacking...haha but ya..its been fun lar..for the past sem...

Had this major outing...just few hours ago..invited some of the elderly for a walk at the southern ridges..Not a lot of our befriended elderly came..cause those elderly we helped are really old, and have difficulties walking...so they din come...those who came are from the same neighbourhood that we serve lar...but still saw alot of familiar faces like mdm chong, and mr chiu....

I truely enjoyed myself today.. loved taking pictures for them.. (and i truely believe pictures can capture the best moments and will bring back all the good memories down the road when u look at them again)...well at the same time..zi pai my self also..well i guess the whole event ran smoothly..small hiccupps here and there..but still..a great success! haha bo bian..in OC..must zi kua abit...got sense of satisfaction lor..

Still..wanna thank all my friends.. geok xiuyun xavier chersiong for all coming down to help out..din really talk to them much..cause wasnt following the main party...got to do admin stuff behind the scene...Rongsheng - really thanks for helping the us for the prep and the outing itself also...Ah boon - haha for the printing of shirt...the rest of OC...the help render to one another..Finally i think the most of the credits shd to given to my chairperson margaret..she really done a good job in aliasing, preparing for the event, actual prep till the outing itself...she's really one good leader i guess...i'm really impressed..

-enjoy the pics!-

Green, Red, Blue.....colors of the wind...

Decided to wind down alittle today..Feel kind of stress this week..knowing that my remaining tests are gonna test on the like the whole book.?Greatzz....Been going to school early and staying late in school...really feel physically tired as well..Haha symptoms of Burnout??Probably.

Rs had a performance this week in school..Sang沒那麼簡單by 黃小琥.. He sang pretty good actually...accompaniment on the keyboard was good as well..All and all.. 有feel. Really enjoyed..(well..haha..i know he is good in his vocal..but everytime he sings..I wld find that he lacks the 感动度..plus, the song by the original singer set a high standard as well...so haha..i had a rather high expectation for his performance...well at least he din disappoint the people that went down to support him!!...Really 令我刮目相看。。哈哈。。 赞!

Had my Ippt yesterday...achieved my silver target..Guess..the running in school once a week do help a little..Haha..but was pretty glad that my cousin was there to pace me as well..If not i would have slowed down in the middle of the run...Haha had a really good chat with him over dinner..and concluded that we are really 老了at the end of the day...Well..i think i hasnt really been talking to my cousins.(or i would say bonding i guess)...Is only at times during major celebration that we kind of get to see each other...and during these times..kind of like din really chat much as well??(okie i admit..i m too engross eating the food during celebration..and yes i m extremely guilty of not remembering some of my cousins name as well) But anyway...well..at least..i get to koe how's he been doing lately..

Now, I would highly recommend (for those who are reading it now) to take some time off listen to the song 沒那麼簡單and do look at the lyrics as well..haha..its really a nice song..

Bulging Tummy

Had good food lately. Totally Broke. Totally. Stayed in school till late lately, and thus spend more money on food. Friend suggested me to really go down to details where my money goes to, well I just replied him, 'Basically, no need to to break down, ALL goes to FOOD'.

Subway - botak jones + a quarter of fried carrot cake and a quarter of fried kuay teow- ichiban sushi - kuishinbo - yes that's my dinners and lunch these 4 days.

Great..so many things not done and i m still slacking...Critique not done, and tests are coming along..both physical (IPPT) and school. Oh wells thats great..

Had lunch with my some of my pals today. Same CAP as one of them. But he seems more driven and motivated to get his 2nd upper. Which means a 8 A- s to reach according to his calculation. Yes. For me too. So SHIT..Of course i have a goal in mind too..well..in psychology..a goal in mind and u work towards it, self prophecy would work. On the other end, my results are otherwise. Thus, now came the next psychogly terminology - re-evaluate and reset ur achievable target as you go along. And here goes, lowering my targets every sem, till e point that some other friend of mine was saying that it is way too low to be set as a target, you should set it higher!

Highs and Lows...

Looking through my window and seeing the luminated kite soaring high in the night sky, with cool wind breezing through, kind of like the moment of tranquilility, really dont feel like doing anything right now, just sitting by my window. But i am kind of lagging behind what i have set to do this weekend. Oh wells...

Wasn't feeling emotionally well at the start of the week, probably due to the mid terms and kind of thinking about some past as well though. Plus, wasn't really having good sleep for the past week, keep having hectic dreams, whereby is like the dreams are kind of like very eventful and chaotic in a sense, and felt totally shagged when i woke up. And midway through school, totally concussed in the central library to catch up some sleep.

Hasn't really got back the momentum to study as well since the midterm/cny break. That feels shitty. Guess have to slowly pace myself back again. Well, had a eventful and fun weekend!Though now I m feeling kind of guilty that i might had WAY too much fun...

Played bball on friday and today as well. It's kind of like a fad or something, now wanting to focus to improve on it cause been losing competition lately..Haha..See how it goes, hopefully we can make through the next round unlike past competitions, where we cant even make through the round robin stages.

Had a really fun time out with my CSC friends. Though not many people could make it for the outing, but i feel that it wont be that fun and interactive if there were more people. Really get to know more of them, compare to like talking to them every fortnightly during visits and perhaps Hi-Bye in school as well.

We went to the 'Hangout' at Prinsep Place. Is been a long time since i played Wii (i Had one at home but i hardly play. And yup no one to play with as well!). The Razing Rabbit is totally awesome!. And yup, my poor coordination skills cause me to end up being the 'Toilet Paper' -_-!!. But was really fun! Lol. (Guilt seems to have slowly crawled back again..)